"we're pregnant!!!"

5 days after I peed on a stick and screamed at the top of my lungs "We're pregnant!"
6 weeks January 2012 :)

Okay. This may be difficult for me to open you up to this aspect of my world. But it only makes me...and hopefully you appreciate this little being growing inside me even more.

Like I've said before, I've been journaling on my own very honest...genuine thoughts of my own. Not about all the nausea, cravings, and etc etc but really about the anxiety...the heart of the matter..my fear.

All I ask is that you read, absorb, and maybe be inspired. I don't expect more questions or more explanations. Read it and take it for what it is...appreciate my honesty..and respect it. 


Blogging has given me a way to provide an outlet, gather support from all of you, and document my life in the most positive way possible...and I just want to keep it that way :)

So here goes. My first entry. The day we found out. 

"The day that we found out. I was already 6 days late but for me, that could be “normal”. Last month, I was 5 days late with a negative pregnancy test so this month, we didn’t think it was any different. Except what was different…how I felt.

Yes the PMS symptoms crowded my head, made it hard for me to sleep, and made me feel as if my period would come any day now. The anticipation was killing me. Everyday I got a text from Ryan (or I texted him) “Anything yet?” And the answer was always the same.

I was waking up SUPER hot every morning. Oh great…an elevated basal body temperature. Well that could mean PMS or PREGGO. Then I started to develop extremely tender breasts (TMI sorry) which is also PMS or PREGGO. I started getting minor cramps which is also PMS or PREGGO. So you get the point. Every symptom I had could have been either so I didn’t let it overwhelm me too much.

Until I got something more unusual. NAUSEA. I’ve been nauseous before but this was different. After eating, I would feel extremely nauseous like to the point of needing to VOMIT but couldn’t or didn’t. I thought it was what I ate at that very moment...then realized after eating something completely different the next day, it was just food in general.

So we’re going on 6 days past due now. And I was planning on applying to go on this medical missions trip  to Nicaragua with some colleagues after graduation. I prayed…prayed. “God if you want to open this door up for me…please open. If not, give me a sign.” Ryan and I discussed that if any chance I was pregnant, I wouldn’t go.

Well today came. The day before the application was due. I ran into Wal-Mart and purchased a double pack of pregnancy tests. I told myself I would take it in the morning when the hormone levels at it’s highest. While Ryan took a nap, I couldn’t help myself & took the first test. I started to sweat…my heart started to race…within SECONDS..literally seconds…I saw two perfectly vertical lines =  PREGNANT. I couldn’t believe it. I mean well I could but I still couldn’t!

I started crying. I was actually overjoyed. If you knew my past, you would understand why…which maybe one day you will know. I ran out into the living room & screamed WE’RE PREGNANT.

Then realized…Oh crap. This is just ONE test. I could of peed on it wrong (haha) or maybe I have a teratoma or tumor releasing hcG?! Oh gosh..being in the medical field just opens doors up for your imagination. Anyways…false positives happen all the time…right?

So we sat down. Kissed each other & said we’ll get through it no matter what. I didn’t know what tomorrow morning’s test would bring. Pregnant or not?! Hm.

The rest of the night, I couldn’t’ focus. Is it a boy or girl? We need to clean out that office to make a nursery. Omg baby names? Baby showers?! Wait. How much does a little human being cost?! Can I work?

But then the most important thing kept haunting me…Will we (baby  & me) make it to the 2^nd trimester? Sigh. My heart sunk.

I hope so."