my lucky charm.

Being nauseous...7 weeks pregnant...extremely uncomfortable..hungry...and tired = not a good time to study and take some tough board exams...especially since this was my turn to RE-TAKE them after being unsuccessful the first time. 

Stress levels were even higher than ever. I had to literally hide granola bars in my socks and sneak to the bathroom during the exam to eat to help maintain my nausea level as much as possible! 

Yes..I am a rebel (haha). 

I left the exams feeling horrible about myself. I knew deep down I would have to retake them...once again. But kept thinking...or trying to tell myself that it wasn't a big deal. The baby is more important. All the extra sleep I had to fit in, extra care I had to take, and rest I took rather than studying was what the baby needed. It was a sacrifice I had to take. 

I think more people remembered I took boards than me! I tried to put it in the back of my mind..but still received the dreaded question "So did you find out about boards yet?" OVER & OVER again. 

I began to hypothetically play in my mind how to tell all these people that I failed once again...even planning when I would be able to retake them. Every time the word BOARDS came up in conversation, I just cringed...thinking there is no way I would get to enjoy the JOY of passing these stupid crazy medical board exams!!

So I sit in my car today. Exactly 6 weeks later. With the envelope in hand. I said a little prayer...asking for peace..hope. I anxiously ripped it open and saw the joyous letters- P...P...P. YES FOLKS. 

I passed all of it!!!!!!!

Tears immediately began to flow as I screamed YESSSSS! It was an unbelievable feeling. 

There have been so many stressful emotions going through my heart...my mind....involved with this pregnancy. I've shared a lot of them so far. I have been trying to experience the beauty of it all...being grateful...hopeful...and joyful. But it's been tough. 

Weirdly enough, this has marked a complete reassurance for me. 

That baby and I are meant to be even more so than ever. My little lucky charm is more than a blessing than I ever could imagine. I can function as myself but just a better version...and not the opposite. 

Today is a good day.