**Please keep in mind that these blogs have been written in the PAST.**
How many weeks at the time of these blogs today? SIX-SEVEN weeks.
(Currently: going into 13th week!)
**The next day after finding out...
"Alarm rang. 7am! My first thought: I am so uncomfortable! I need to sleep on my back to have a restful sleep…but heard that I couldn’t?
2nd thought: Gotta wake up to go to work with the husband to study for board exams. Boring!
3rd thought: Will the 2nd pregnancy test be POSITIVE? And within seconds again…two beautiful vertical lines = PREGNANT!
Now what do we do? Individual health insurance does NOT give you an automatic maternity coverage. Great. Ryan’s work pays for a portion of our insurance but does not belong to a GROUP insurance (which would cover maternity). The stress begins to set in.
What will our families think? It’s already been a rough 2 ½ years of marriage with balancing financial insecurities. They might be mad? Happy but then mad? Like maybe they will feel obligated to help? Sigh….
So now…we know…we’re paying for this out of pocket. The whole shebang. Pre-natal care…pregnancy..labor..etc. Even if we signed up for a maternity option…there is a 1 year waiting list which means that baby will already be pooping, spitting up, and peeing in my face before I can get anything covered. Welps, that won’t work.
So what do we do now?
All I can say is…thank goodness God is on my side. Cause then this will work out.
Let’s just hope baby and me make it on this journey full term together.
I already love the little thing so much. How is that possible? Well it is."
**2 days after finding out...
Woke up more scared than ever. Didn’t know I was pregnant for the past two weeks. So now I can’t stop analyzing EVERYTHING I did. I am in the health profession…& I should be the BEST at taking care of my body & baby…how could I have been so off?
In December, my cycle was 5 days late! Yes 5! Took a pregnancy test and everything and it was NEGATIVE. I thought this time was the same thing. Maybe my cycles are just 35 days long now..greaaatt. But something was different. The symptoms were worse than before. Then the nausea.
But I was still getting itty bitty cramping which I always get right before. So I didn’t think it could be true. Even looking at the TWO positive pregnancy tests, I still told myself they were faulty and wrong.
But I’m still taking extra precautions. I don’t want what happened two years ago to happen to me again…I just wouldn’t be able to handle it. I woke up this morning wondering if it happened again.
The cramps last night in bed didn’t feel like before but they felt like period cramps. My mind is racing. Then oh gosh…the nausea. YAY. I thought pregnancy was suppose to get rid of the cramping..but so far..not good.
Took two dipstick hcG tests- within minutes the results showed clearly = PREGNANT. My heart sounded pounding….this is real!
The intern took my blood & my stomach started to turn…will my blood match the urine tests? Will there be a heart beat when we go to the midwife..or will it be silent….like last time.
My husband called me after & said… “Wow babe. Our lives are going to be different. And it’s a good thing.” I felt so reassured. This wasn’t planned by any means..but can’t lie and say my heart wasn’t yearning for it.
Now my prayers are surrounding with protecting this little bundle. I even find myself bargaining with God…like if You protect this baby to full term & beyond, I will do this or I won’t do this. Sigh. I know it doesn’t work that way but the motherly instinct is kickin’ in.
I’m going to be a mom….I hope."
**5 days after finding out...
"Today was the best day. I felt my most confident. Me and baby are figuring out that we are made for each other. I hope he/she likes his little home I’ve worked hard to build and decides to stay J
I had my acupuncture appointment today to help prevent miscarriages which was amazing..relaxing…rejuvenating. I felt a complete calmness.
Which is weird because there has been a calmness over me that is rare. The things that use to bother me in clinic especially, kind of just fade and I let it go. I realize that my approach to people is different which alters their response to me and the relationship is ‘healthier’.
The cramps have faded…for the most part. The nausea was better except on the way home, I had a huge burst of nausea that almost blurred my vision and made me want to vomit my brains out but it faded within 15 minutes. Then I ate. Stuffed my face with samosas and ribs (not healthy) but lots of protein! Then felt nauseous again.
I got reassurance today that I must keep thinking that the baby is here to stay. There’s no turning back. And to picture holding my little bundle in 9 months when he/she’s ready to view the world! That’s how I need to think. Not in fear that they are going to depart earlier than they should.
Best advice I’ve been given."
Hey girl I love your posts and I would like to encourage you :) First of all CONGRATS!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhen Cole and I moved to Poland just one month of being married, 4 months later got pregnant and had a painful miscarriage in my 9th week. That began the up hill battle of our lives BUT GOD used every moment to strengthen US as a married couple. We didn't want babies that early but when we had the miscarriage we realized how much we wanted a baby now and not in 5 years. Two months later we got pregnant again and now Natalia is here :) healthier then ever. I totally understand you and how you're analyzing EVERYTHING I did the same thing and needless to say you're going to do it even if you don't want to :). But you have one thing that a lot of people don't have... GOD who is on your side all the way!! During my pregnancy Cole and I BOTH lost our jobs and had NO money, but somehow GOD provided for ALL our needs to be taken care of. He was never early and never late, He was always on time. The bible says that we are not to worry about tomorrow for it may not be given to us and if God takes care of the birds then why wouldn't He take care of us... He has you, Ryan and this glorious baby in the very palm of His hand. In Jeremiah 1 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you;..
On a happier note you can totally sleep on your back. Its not until later like 7th month when baby is heavier they say you should sleep on your side for best blood flow. But to be honest I slept on my back the entire pregnancy. I would fall asleep o my side and wake up on my back, or Cole would wake me up because he was scared that I slept like that haha :). The other thing is the cramping you felt early on could've just been implantation cramping. You can have minor spotting at that point too. ALSO I had braxton hix contractions almost my entire pregnancy, and they don't know what those are here in Poland :) so lets say some Dr's scared me!! I learned to research on my own very quickly!! One thing you should look into doing is a belly cast :). Cole and I made one out of paper mache because it was cheapest but it took forever to dry, but still awesome memory of your belly. I'll send you a link. http://www.proudbody.com/ you can buy casting material or do paper mache since that's the name of your blog :) Blessings to you 3!! I look forward to your posts!! <3
Aw thank you...your post was so encouraging and I really appreciate your honesty & willingness to share. You have a beautiful family!
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