a STRONG mama...

My family and I moved to IL when I was about 7-8 years old from California. I remember clearly the first time I ever met this family of three sisters. Daoluang greeted me by screaming in my face (haha) but from there, my bond with the “Deevanna sisters” grew.

Throughout the years, I kept in contact with them and feel very connected to each of them in very different ways....mainly because they are all three different people! I am so fortunate to have them as friends...all the crazy things we’ve been through together has really helped us maintain a close bond.

My bond with Nana, the youngest, grew after she became a mother. I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again, but once you become a mother, you definitely become a part of this elite club of instant love and support. I reached out to her initially to just show support through post partum as well as the start of her breastfeeding journey...and then continue to keep in contact with her through this rough transition in her life as a single parent.

I identify with her so much more than ever. Not only as a mother, but also because I was raised by a single mother. I have so much confidence in the man she will raise her little guy to be and the things she has been through (and continues to face) inspire me everyday.

Her story has really touched me and I hope that you will find hope and inspiration in it. She is so brave to open herself to you all and I am so grateful that she has chosen to be a part of this project.

Here is her story...

“Breastfeeding was a struggle for the first month or so. My milk did not fully come in until about a week after Luke was born. I felt like a terrible mom that first week because I was "starving" my son, so I pumped like crazy and supplemented with formula.

I was not trusting my body, which actually made breastfeeding more difficult. I became engorged and was having to pump just to relieve the pressure. Pumping sucks. 

Things started to get easier, feeding wise, around 6 weeks. I was starting to feel "normal" again (as normal as I could be on Luke's sleeping/eating schedule). I started to wear a bra again (well, at least when I left the house, because seriously, what's the point?), I put on a little make-up, and I felt human.

Around 8 weeks, my whole world changed (even more so than it did from having a baby). My husband, Luke's dad, told me he was not happy and did not want to be a family anymore. I was devastated. In those days (and weeks), I experienced a range of emotions; anger and fear were at the top of the list. I don't want to talk too much about him leaving because it does not define who I am as a person, and praise God, as a mother.

I was angry that he was abandoning us and all the plans we had made for our son and our family. I feared how his leaving would affect my/our parenting plan. Our plan was for me to stay home and take care of Luke until he was at least preschool-age. I planned on breastfeeding Luke until he was at least one. None of those things seemed possible anymore. 

It has been four months since "my whole world changed" and six months since THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE (Luke's birth), and I am happy to say that I was wrong.

Luke is still breastfeeding like a BOSS. There was a period when I was trying to wean him because I felt it was necessary and thought it would make my life easier, but thank God my child is stubborn (haha). Luke has no problem drinking formula, but he definitely prefers the boobies! I love that I can give him nourishment, as well as comfort and security, through breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding also provides me with comfort and security... this little guy needs me as much as I need him. 

Since it has been just the two of us, our bond has grown tremendously. I still miss his dad, but my days are joyful because of Luke and the bond that we share. He is my saving grace.

I credit the success of mine and Luke's breastfeeding relationship to the friends and family members who have supported us (in many ways), prayed for us, and offered words of encouragement.

Luke and I are very blessed.

I'm not sure when I will stop breastfeeding Luke. We both enjoy it so much, I'm thinking never (haha, just kidding).  

On top of FlatTop Mountain in Alaska

Nana’s Bucket List

(Success without a cover)

Restaurants

Airplanes

Flattop mountain (Alaska-see picture)

Church (in the women's lounge)

Around friends in their homes (males and females)

In the car

A kindergarten classroom! :) No kids though. Well, except Vanna's kids. 

[[I nurse Luke in front of them all the time, lol. It's normal for them to see me with my boobs out. They are very comfortable with it now, even Anan. I love it. One time I was doing the dishes and got my shirt wet. Vaneda looked up at me and said, "Um, you're leaking." Lolololol.]] --> HILARIOUS! her nieces and nephew are so funny!

I don't use a cover at all anymore because Luke doesn't like it. He kicks and swats at the cover until I remove it. Using a cover draws more attention than me pulling my boob out and sticking it in his mouth. I don't whip my boobs out like LOOK AT MY BOOBIES!!! I try to be somewhat discreet by covering my boob with my hand and/or Luke's head (which is pretty big, lol)”

Thank you so much for sharing, Nana! You are such a strong mama and Luke will be forever grateful for all that you do for him.

I love you!