a baby story...

If you’ve read my previous posts (Prodromal labor pains & Early labor pain), you can tell that this “LABOR” process has been quite the journey.

You know the stages of labor you learn in birth class?! Well...for some reason, I happen to be that small percentage of people that experience everything you DON’T learn in class. 

Just to quickly explain labor stages so you’ll better understand my story-

1^st stage- Early and Active (can be very long and it is the stage where your cervix is at least 4cm dilated and continues to open; contractions gradually increase in frequency and intensity)

Transition- HELL phase. Shortest but the most painful because contractions are on top of each other without a break (generally should last between 15-30 mins)

2^nd stage- Pushing!

3^rd stage- Delivering the placenta

Early labor can vary for everyone...it can last from hours to days! Well for me it was days but my contractions were not regular. They were changing with every one that came so I still question if I was actually in early labor. I was only barely 2 cm dilated at my appointment when the pain all started (Tuesday 9/18/2012). I had the “blood show” that started Monday night and went until I actually went into labor. It wasn’t a one-time deal. My anxiety only increased...with every trip to the bathroom I kept wondering if my water was going to break!

I doubted myself. I took the Tylenol PM Tuesday night so that I could get sleep. My contractions were anywhere from 7-15 minutes apart...they were very irregular! I started feeling discouraged...like here we go again. The pain I was experiencing was DEFINITELY different than all my contractions during prodromal labor.

When people say “You’ll know when you have real contractions...” Well...I thought I knew but then it wasn’t following anything we learned. I started getting a little freaked out that if this isn’t it...then will I be able to take the pain when it is IT?

I was able to sleep OK Tuesday night although I got up here and there to pee and the contractions were strong enough to wake me up from time to time. Wednesday I woke up at 9am and had this surge of energy...uh oh nesting time. I did all the laundry. Cleaned. Went for a long walk with my mom and Xander. Did more work. Etc etc. Again..the contractions were still irregular...6-10 minutes apart.

I only took ONE Tylenol PM (mainly because I hate drugs but I knew I needed to sleep). I took a shower and went to lay down in bed. My contractions felt WAAY stronger..I couldn’t lay still. It was around 2am when I got up, took a blanket into the living room, turned on some infomercials, and tried laying over my physioball to rock my hips. It kinda helped. I was curling over in pain...walking around the house...the contractions were closer but still irregular. 5-6 minutes apart. I’m surprised my mom, Xander, and Ryan didn’t wake up with all the moderate yelling I was doing. It was 3am at this point.

I started timing my contractions more seriously and then they were 4-5 minutes apart...but still irregular...but STRONG. I knew this had to be it.

I called my midwife...keep in mind, I’ve already called her many other times thinking I was in labor so she could just categorize me as “the boy who cried wolf”. She heard my voice and said “Ok. Grab your stuff and get to the hospital right now.”

I jumped up (well jumped as in got up super slow) and ran to wake up Ryan and my mom. My mom got up immediately whereas my dear tired husband took his time because I don’t think it really hit him. I went to the kitchen, started packing all the snacks we bought, grabbed my bathroom stuff and tried getting all the bags together while everyone got up. My contractions were STRONGER. I felt as if my guts were being ripped apart...oh boy. It was 4:30am.

We piled in the car and poor Xander who had really no idea what was going on except that his auntie was screaming in pain on the way to the hospital. My mom called Nounou and Metta (sister-in-law/doula) and I kept telling her to tell them to stay home until the hospital confirmed I was in active labor. I didn’t want them to drive an hour and a half to just go home. I still thought maybe I could be sent home to “LABOR at home”. Eh. They came right away...thank goodness.

 

We got triaged right away and I could see the look on everyone’s faces. I think THEY EVEN KNEW I was in labor. We got into the room and I kept praying that today NEEDED to be the day...not only for me physically but mainly MENTALLY.

The nurse confirmed right away- “YOU ARE DEFINITELY 4 CM AND IN ACTIVE LABOR!” Yes yes yes! I was so happy but then so scared...THIS FREAKING HURTS AND IT’S ONLY THE BEGINNING! The nurse confirmed the baby was doing great even through my contractions, which were still irregular.

The alternative birth center that we’ve been waiting for was available (yay!) equipped with a queen size bed, birth balls, squat bars, a TUB for water/water birth, and tons of room to walk around and do what you want. Intermittent fetal monitoring. No strapping me down to a bed. All the things we really valued but in a hospital setting just in case. We had everything we needed for a NATURAL birth experience.

Ok back to labor. It is 6am at this point.

Ryan went to grab all of our bags in the car and it seemed as if it took him FOREVER. Thank goodness my mom was there and Xander too...my mom supported me through each contraction and my little sweet Xander came to sit by me and put his hand on me...”Mimi owwiee?” 

I gulped a couple protein shakes...drank a ton of ice water...and demanded the air be turned on! My midwife showed up around 7:30a and checked me. You wouldn’t believe it...from 5:30a to 7:30a, I went from 4cm to 7cm! WHOA.

She was almost positive I would have the baby within a couple hours! ....she was so wrong.

My labor became EXTREMELY INTENSE. My sister in law and brother got to the hospital and then the fun really began. My screams had intermittent bouts of sobbing as I tried to survive through each extremely strong contraction. I thought that my intestines were twisting and being severed all at the same time.

Metta prayed over me. I felt a sense of determination fall over me. I can do this...we can do this. I thought of the last time I had very minor contractions...I was grieving a loss...and now these contractions need to be welcomed...for its purpose will be positive and more beautiful.

Then it started. Transition phase. Well what we ALL thought was transition. I went to the tub...the warm water helped but then I had about 7-10 contractions ON TOP of each other. I remember vividly looking into Ryan’s eyes and asking for help and seeing his eyes stare back at me completely helpless.

My midwife checked me again. I was only 8 cm. WHAT?! I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST TRANSITION.

5 mins later. Another bout of 7-10 contractions ON TOP of each other. I started to doubt myself .... if this is NOT transition, how am I suppose to get over that point?! This trend continued for hours LITERALLY.

I used every inch of the room in multiple positions with multiple modalities to try to ease the pain...from the floor with the ball to the bed to the tub to the shower. Everything. I had the most success in the shower with hot water falling on my back and standing while Ryan applied counter pressure to my hips.

Boy I felt bad for him and Metta...mainly for him. Counter pressure was probably the only constant thing that helped me. Since my contractions were on top of each other without much of a break..that also meant he didn’t get much of a break. I know his arms probably felt like they were going to fall off but my insides were being ripped apart so honestly..I didn’t care. Haha

My midwife checked me again. I don’t even know what time it was. 9cm but I started to feel an urge to PUSH. So I tried...then realized after my midwife saw me pushing that I was pushing the wrong way. I slowly transitioned into the 2^nd stage of labor but my contractions were still extremely strong! I was exhausted.

I decided early on to COMPLETELY SURRENDER to this experience. It was completely out of my control. SURRENDER was my only option...and that is exactly what I did.

My water still did not break and my midwife offered to break it about 2 hours prior but said it could increase the intensity...I wanted it to break on its own so we declined. But at this point, I couldn’t push hard enough so I begged for her to break my water and thank God we did...for many reasons. It relieved pressure but also decreased complications...you’ll see why later.

From the squatting chair, tub, bed etc I tried pushing in every position. I wanted to give birth in water but realized that pushing against the resistance was harder than I thought. Two nurses, my midwife, husband, mom, and sister-in-law surrounded me as I was...all OUT there and everything. A lot more people than I thought I would initially be okay with but honestly, all my modesty got thrown out the window when the excruciating pain set in. I really did not care...and honestly I am grateful for each and every person in there...they all played such an important role.

I told everyone except my midwife to SHH so I could concentrate. With every contraction, I pushed hard. I thought there were moments I was going to pass out...the pain was still just as strong but I knew that we just had to be close. "I can't do this anymore...I can't..."

I kept hearing people plus my midwife say “Ok I see the head...” Then I said WELL THEN PULL IT OUT! (haha) When everyone got quiet...I became MORE focused. I knew that I couldn’t take it much longer...my contractions were waxing and waning. They were coming at 5-6 at a time with longer pauses.

As our baby traveled down, there was this extreme amount of pain and pressure in my back. So this is what they always talk about...BACK LABOR. I only had that for the last 30 minutes but it felt like eternity. It was MISERABLE. I began to NOT be able to distinguish what was a contraction because the back labor was so intense. I had to actually place my hand on my abdomen to feel for my uterus to contract and to know when to push so I wouldn’t push against nothing! Tearing the “you know what” was another huge concern of mine...I’ve only heard horror stories about post-partum recovery. 2 hours passed.

“I’m never doing this again!”

Then I felt it. EUPHORIA. I didn’t hear a cry immediately. All I heard was my midwife say “Call NEO right now.” I was so confused...what did she mean by that?! All I kept saying was our pediatrician’s name thinking they were asking about the doctor we hired...then I saw Ryan move over to see if everything was okay..then I heard the sweetest sound ever...her first cry. It was 1:16pm. 

See..the thing is...the entire 2 ½ weeks of my “labor” has been torture emotionally. I kept wondering that maybe I would be delivering a still born. I already lost one before (early)...I don’t know how I could deal with a lost after all this time..I definitely stressed myself out even more...so when I didn’t hear the initial cry but felt the panic in the room, my heart sunk.

It was the longest minute of my life...waiting for her to cry but when they put her on my chest and I looked into her sweet eyes, I felt the deepest and most genuine LOVE.

It was explained to me later that she took her first poop (meconium) while the bag was intact and after breaking the bag, although the “water” was clear, that Estella was most likely blocking the rest of it that had meconium. SO if we did not break the bag, my labor would have been longer and Estella would be at risk of higher complications, which would probably not have ended up in a NATURAL birth. (Post-date babies are always at risk for meconium in utero).  And since Estella did not cry right away with all the meconium that came out, it is an obligation to call a neonatologist but since she cried soon after and gained color right away, the call was taken back! Thank the Lord! My midwife also told me she was ready to give me pitocin to help regulate my contractions. "You went from feeling pain to suffering from pain...I've never seen contractions that crazy and unpredictable before. You did a spectacular job! Very determined mama to have your baby naturally!"yay.

Yes...I can't believe it myself...I went through a NATURAL birth without any sleep or any food-other than protein shakes, water, and apple juice. I DID IT! We did it.

We were also told that the umbilical cord was the biggest and thickest they’ve ever seen and the placenta was the thickest and most healthy looking too! I had to include that to TOOT my own horn...I was so anal during my pregnancy and it paid off.

And did I tear?! Well...a very small tiny tear (which STILL freaking hurt) because instead of her shoulders following her head, our little stinker stuck her hands out first which caused an increased tension leading to a tiny tear. But for the women that experience a bigger tear than me...WOW. Ouch!

I could feel my insides coming out...sorry for being graphic but that is the truth. “Your uterus has gone through a lot these past two weeks...we need to monitor you for bleeding and we may have to give you pitocin to clamp your uterus down if your body doesn’t do the job.”

GREAAAT. So after all that labor, I might still end up getting pitocin so I don’t bleed out?! Frustrating.

That night was a bit scary. I was bleeding....a lot. The nurses had the pitocin in hand and I begged them to give my body one day. I knew all that red raspberry leaf tea I drank for 2 weeks straight would kick in...I trusted my body...especially after what it just went through.

The next morning, my bleeding was UNDER control! Yes! I gained more of an appetite! Walking around was still difficult and painful. I saw the biggest PADS of my life and thought there is no way I need a pad THAT big but yeah those were a God send. (ew)

Peeing became hard work. I can’t imagine POOPING ehh! Mesh undies from the hospital were AMAZING. And Lanolin cream was my savior. The squeezie bottle with warm water and warm wash clothes were AWESOME. Dermaplast (a pain relieving spray) was my BEST FRIEND. So this is what it takes to have a natural birth...

Then I looked into her eyes. Big and beautiful. I touch her nose to mine. Feel the warmth of her super soft skin. Smell her “baby” scent. Feel her small little hands caress my chest while I breastfeed. And then I realize,                 I WOULD DO THIS ALL OVER AGAIN AND THEN SOME FOR HER.

The trauma my body experienced was nothing compared to the love that she has given me by just being mine...and in this world.

I looked at my body in the mirror at the hospital after giving birth...saw the softness my belly has taken on and I thought I would be more depressed but I felt PROUD. From the breastfeeding, I could feel baby contractions as my uterus finished its job and started to return back to size taking the size of my belly with it. The remnants that still remain is only a faint reminder of what my body went through and I can’t feel anything but TRUE PRIDE AND CONFIDENCE.

The prize I have to show is much more beautiful than p90x or Insanity could make my body.

My daughter....wow saying those two words brings chills to my body...

My daughter...my prize and reward from God is all I need to feel beautiful, accomplished, and whole.

The love Ryan and I have for each other was big enough to bring an even bigger LOVE into the world. 

For that, I am forever grateful...forever indebted...to Him who blessed us.

Please take THREE MINUTES and take a look at our photo montage of our BIRTH STORY.
Stay tuned for a guest blog post from my love- "Our birth story from Ryan's eyes"...