I graduated April 19th. When I sit down and really think about it, it hasn't been that long. I took a couple days here and there to spend time with friends, run errands, and clean...clean...clean.
Then...there are some days I really don't have the desire to do anything. Like nothing. No moving if possible. I make sure to at least have dinner for my hubs when he gets home & pack his lunch for the next day...which I did when I was in school too.
"I feel useless." Ryan quickly responds..."You're doing the most important job of all, taking care of our baby."
I know he meant that with all his heart. He is amazing like that.
But I still do. She isn't here yet. And I feel lazy. I wish I lived closer to my family in Rockford so I could spend time with them.
I know I know...I deserve to just do nothing after being in school constantly for the past 6 or 7 years (all year round) but I can't help to think I can contribute more than what I'm doing. I've looked for random jobs that would hire me (to keep myself busy) so I could help with bills etc but haven't had any luck. I don't want to just go out and spend our money that we're trying so hard to hold onto just because I'm bored.
So far...I've maintained a clean home. Good food. Healthy body.
Yet I still feel like that isn't enough. I guess this is a good time for me to pull the books out & start studying for my big & bad board exams in August.
I'm just in that mode. the BLAH mode. This is normal right? right....
On a good note, I smiled and laughed to myself today as she kept wiggling around. Her little movements all day have reminded me of the joy I get to hold in...months!
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