the clash and harmony...

"Do you think she's with him because he comes from money?" "Don't you see how they are so 'lovey dovey'...I bet they already had sex." "Oh my gosh...did you see that? He ordered a beer." "He's not even her type." "She probably cheated on him with him & that's why they broke up." "It's way too soon. She's horrible for doing that to him." "She likes him because her love language is 'gifts' & he buys her stuff." "How is he interested in her other than her looks? How does he even deal with her?" "He'll probably leave her at home with the kids one day to go to the bars." "Did you see the last person he dated? Eh."  


This story isn't going to be 100% upbeat & cute. It's going to be honest. Display my flaws. Open you up to my insecurities. But that's what makes our story so amazing. It wasn't always sunshine & butterflies but it got real...fast.

True colors definitely were revealed during this rough patch I had with many of my encounters with people as they reacted to this new found love while they were still emotionally attached to the old. Friends definitely come & go...and oh boy they did.

Not only am I in a new relationship...but in a relationship with someone not from my culture. So the barrier was already set. Language. Customs. Food. Rituals. And on top of that, I had to deal with everything else. Figures right?


It was hard for me. My heart was breaking. This is what they all really think of me? Is this all worth it? Should I just give in? Ruminating thoughts continuously circulated through my mind & heart.

Then I got on this whole "I'm asian. He's white" kick. 
What will his parents think of me? His grandparents are a lot older...more traditional...will they like that he's dating a 'darker' girl? His past girlfriends were all skinny. I'm not...does that matter? What if everyone in his town thinks I'm a mail-ordered bride? (haha) What if he only eats burgers, fries, and pizza and hates Laos food? Will my kids be able to speak Laos and appreciate Laos food?! Is this going to be like the other time I tried dating a white guy...when I showed up to a golf course with his family wearing gaucho pants, big earrings, a Snooki-do, and flipflops while everyone had polos & khakis? (haha)


The barriers were infinite it seemed. I held off on introducing him to anyone. But he was anxious to introduce me to his parents. The first time I met them was brief. I wore high heeled boots on a cold & icy day...lots of makeup...and my hair was all done & did. Perfect....NOT! After meeting his amazingly sweet mom, she asked "Honey- aren't you worried about wearing those heels out in this weather?" Of course I tried to play it cool...like I'm an expert with heels...when for anyone who knows me- I DON'T! Breakfast went great with them..but I felt so uneasy still. It was my own insecurities. 


My insecurities about bringing him into my world were clouded by past memories of "what could of been" with 'him'. He knew what he was getting into. I almost gave up. I almost said "whatever we don't need all that". Opinions of me were not incorrectly placed...the fault isn't all theirs but shared. But that doesn't justify anything. I wasn't the person I am today that I was then.

Ryan's response which shows his character...his heart...and love for the people that initially didn't even give him a chance "They are people that LOVE you. You love them. This will pass & they will see that we are meant for each other. They need time to catch up & that's okay. We will make it through this...and everything else that comes." I couldn't believe it. Facing adversity and he still came out on top with more confidence & gentleness than I've really witnessed. Now...that's a real MAN. 


Keep in mind. This was not 100% of the people in my life so it does not apply to everyone but applied to enough influential people to make a dent. I'm not putting people on blast. That's not the purpose. The wounds are still there...healed-yes but not forgotten. This is to display the character of the man I was so confident & blessed to be with.

My beautiful mother. We made her do that:)

My mom through this whole process was amazing. She loved Ryan instantly because she said she could sense the change in me just from his positive influence. "That's all I wanted for you. Not only a man that could take care of you financially..but emotionally." My mom and I went through our past together. She knows the hurt I carried around with me my whole life that continues to still linger today. She always said that sometimes it got the best of me...but with Ryan, I won. 

My loving grandparents. 

My grandma was ECSTATIC! The funny thing is ever since I was little she always said:
"One day, you're going to marry a white doctor!" 
Everyone would laugh when she said that..until twenty years later, it came true. So you know what I had to hear when I finally brought him to California?! "I TOLD YOU SO!" :) 


After only five months of dating, Ryan agreed to join me on a trip to California to see all my family for my grandparent's 50th anniversary party! He got shoved into Laotian culture fast! 

I gave him a little 'survival' rule list to help him get through:
1. EAT & DRINK everything my grandma or family gives you. It's rude to turn down food...even if you're not hungry.
2. You have to fold your hands in a prayer position and do a little bow and say "SA BAI DEE" when you meet my grandparents or anyone actually. They'll love it.
3. When you get up to walk by someone (elder), make sure to bow down lower than their head to show respect that you are passing them.
4. Not like you will, but DON'T TOUCH ANYONE'S HEAD! Taboo!
5. Don't be all touchy/feely. It's weird in Laos culture for you to even hold my hand or give me a hug especially since we're not married yet.

He learned real quick. He did all of the above with no problem. The first person he met was my Aunt Mac who is like my second mom. She's always been my number 1 fan, supportive, & loves me unconditionally. He met Kalie (her daughter) who is like my little sister who attached herself to Ryan within the first day of meeting him. You'll hear about them in more detail in later blogs.

A couple funny stories to share:
*We walked into my aunt's house and my grandpa was there. "Ok this is when you apply the rules I taught you!" He greeted my grandpa properly and said "SA BAI DEE" in the perfect tone! My grandpa actually had to do a double take because he started speaking in Laos to Ryan while Ryan looks over at me for help...then we all started laughing. "I forgot you were white for a minute"- my gpa <3


*While eating 'pho' at my uncle's house, Ryan saw that we were all taking bites of Thai chili peppers while eating 'pho'. Pretty standard for us. Then my uncle jokes and says "Why aren't you eating the chili pepper too Ryan?!" Well I told Ryan to NEVER turn down any food or drink. So guess what he does? He grabs the biggest one there is...eats the ENTIRE thing...and swallows. My jaw dropped as I was waiting for him to start screaming because his mouth was probably burning. He tried to take it like a man..but the peppers took over within minutes. His eyes began to water, his face turned beet red, and tears just flooded his face. He ate the whole pepper! Then my uncle brings out his homemade whiskey and says "Here...drink this. It'll help. It's homemade whiskey."  I told him he didn't have to drink because we all knew it would make it worse & my uncle was just messing with him, but he drank it anyways! "Welcome to the family."-my uncle <3


My family in California couldn't get enough of him. They loved him.  Within one week, they got a pure glimpse of what I get to have. And that's what meant the world to me. Not their approval alone. But the fact that they fell in love with him for the fact that he is who he is. A true man of integrity with awesome dance moves, amazing kid skills, & an open heart for anything and everything! :)

My major support group.

Ryan survived it all. He found out real fast that he hates cilantro but loves Laos food. The dislike towards him from others in general began to fade gradually as his true colors were displayed. People began to see the man I fell so deeply in love with so fast.

As I would ponder, have grief over the issues, & felt all the negative emotions I did, he just kept reassuring me that everything was going to be okay. And for some weird reason, I really started to believe him.

He was right. They did all come around. Wounds were mended & some apologies exchanged in their own time frame. Hearts met. They all eventually started to really love him. Maybe not all. But the ones that mattered to me. He could of easily turned away. Showed bitterness for the turmoil they inflicted. But he didn't. He let it go. Showed them who he was.
And they saw him.

I let all my preconceived notions melt away...I stopped letting my insecurities rule my opinions of my experiences & the people in my life that do love me...I worked on the relationships I valued & threw away the ones that were toxic...I started to have an inner peace with everything that I've never felt before. I can't believe this amazing man would LOVE me...that much. 


"Why do you deal with all this? What do you even love about me?" 

He would just look at me perplexed and said something like this:
"Are you serious? Have you seen what I see? Not just the fact that you are gorgeous...not just that. But have you seen YOU? You're beautiful. You care for people who may not treat you fairly all the time. You really try to have relationships with people. You value people. You LOVE hard. That's why I love you."


He made me feel special. Like I was a prize that he gets to show off. Not like I was a damaged piece of work that needed more attention. He loved me & that's what drove me to be better.  Four years ago today, I took the plunge to jump into a whirlwind romance that turned into a lifetime romance.


Entering my world was the first step. Now onto his...off to the country where turkeys roam & air is crisp!

be blessed. remembering the road it took you to get to true happiness hurts but pays off. <3 md