registry

This is probably the most frustrating experience thus far. 

THE REGISTRY. 

Grrrr....

20 weeks! Halfway!!

How far along? 20 weeks 

Total weight gain? 1# (Total: 9 #)

Maternity clothes? I refuse to! Just wearing anything stretchy at this point.

Sleep?  I always feel SUPER tired...energy is moderate but doesn't seem to last throughout the day. Sleeping has been difficult with the bigger belly, sinus problems, and constant peeing! A humidifier has helped so much!

Best moment this week? Feeling a BIG punch in the gut! :) 

Miss Anything? Being able to sleep throughout the night.

Movement? I've been feeling flutters here and there but just felt a big jab the other night! I can't wait for more little wiggles!

Food cravings? Laos food & raw veggies! I still LOVE Laos food...baby is definitely SUPER Asian:) Recently & randomly craved a turkey sandwich. Nothing super weird though! Not yet at least.

Anything make you queasy or sick? Motion sickness, avocados, fish....the saga continues. 

Gender? a future diva :)

Symptoms? Sinus problems, Constant peeing, feeling "full" all the time, and muscle aches! 

Belly button in or out? In! 

Wedding rings on or off? on

Happy or Moody? Super happy :) But emotional...of course.

Looking forward to? Feeling more karate kicks...and for Ryan to finally feel some movement! :) Oh and our prenatal appointment this week...hearing the heartbeat never gets old!

in Rock town

Sorry...not much to write today. 

Spent the day in Rockford with a bunch of awesome people :) 

20 week update tomorrow plus Maria's Bridal Shower! 

my future?

Sophia Grace & Rosie are a HUGE hit now since their debut singing "Super Bass" on the Ellen Show.

This is their most recent appearance & performance:






Sophia Grace's hype girl Rosie is MORE hype than ever!! haha :)

Enjoy and happy Friday!!

20 week update coming up on Sunday! :)

pregnancy & my "fitness"

Weight loss. Weight gain. Food. Weight Gain. then weight loss. then food...

That's always been a constant struggle in my life. 

From my family doctor telling me (who was also Asian) "You're NORMAL but you're big for an Asian" haha Um thanks?

I love being Laotian...I make sure to always represent my culture by being able to communicate in my language, cook the food, and my strong family values. But oh boy. Do they tell you like it is or what?! 

"Your face is so pretty...you should lose weight so it all matches."

A couple more recent comments...

"Wow I'm so surprised you didn't blow up like a whale cause you're pregnant!"

"Don't wear that, it shows your big belly, no one wants to see that." (referencing my pregnancy)

"I could tell you were having a girl because in Laos culture, if your face gets big and you are always eating, it's a girl...and that's you."

So do you kinda get why I've had to grow some thick skin? Yeah. 

I just laugh about it now. 

The confidence I have in myself isn't something I gained over night. It's a lifelong process I still have to maintain and work on. Do I think I am God's gift to earth or do I think I am the scum of the earth? None of the above at all. Did I struggle with self worth? Absolutely...and sometimes it creeps up to haunt me. 

exposure.

I remember sitting in Psychology class and learning about how amazing our brain functions. Through traumatic events, our brain literally blocks those memories out as a protective mechanism. Crazy. As I sat there, I started to try to remember my childhood. I pride myself in my "photographic memory"...honestly it's probably what got me through my extensive long educational career. But as I sit here now and in my psychology class at University of Iowa years and years ago, I find it very hard to remember details.

All is left are bits and pieces of events. Like a broken puzzle. I remember just enough to know the context of my childhood but not enough to completely be broken down by it. All in all, I have built this "Great Wall of China" around myself that has closed myself off from society. I have to admit, I am almost always in defense mode...ready to strike at any moment with hurtful words mainly..or that's how I was. I am so surprised I am where I am today...somewhat normal and functional in society:)

My abrasive and tough exterior got me through a lot more rough times but also left a lot of scars in relationships I had with people. The person I am today is definitely not who I was back then...I like to think I am a bit more grown up and refined. But those moments that I've had...and I've had many...where I've used my words to hurt or "defended" myself one too many times have left some of my relationships with "childhood friends" scarred and unfixable. I am plagued by my past...like many are.

I am so fortunate that throughout the whole process of my transformation, I've had constant people that have stuck it through with me. They saw the potential in me...they probably had to love me in the beginning and now (hopefully) enjoy loving me. My best friends, my mom, my brothers, my sister-in-law, my extended family- the unconditional love and encouragement has helped me see the light.

Don't get me wrong. I don't let myself get walked all over. I still can defend myself. I am still seen more as an "outspoken" person. I know what I want in life. I know how to get it and I do. I don't trample on people in the process nor do I use hurtful words anymore to leave scars and make the wound sting. Did I use to? Probably. I won't blame it on my childhood or lack there of. It's an internal struggle I still face everyday.

diaper time

I am getting overwhelmed. Baby stuff is harder than medical school! At least in medical school, there was a right and wrong. Now I'm stuck trying to decide between this or that while trying to maintain our eco-friendly Earth baby theme. 

So I need YOUR help! Please? 

I've spent too much time going from site to site. Ryan and I want a mix of a cloth & disposable diaper so we have versatility while staying Earth-friendly...and also saving money (in the end)!