trying to stay..useful.

I graduated April 19th. When I sit down and really think about it, it hasn't been that long. I took a couple days here and there to spend time with friends, run errands, and clean...clean...clean.

Then...there are some days I really don't have the desire to do anything. Like nothing. No moving if possible. I make sure to at least have dinner for my hubs when he gets home & pack his lunch for the next day...which I did when I was in school too.

"I feel useless." Ryan quickly responds..."You're doing the most important job of all, taking care of our baby."


I know he meant that with all his heart. He is amazing like that. 

But I still do. She isn't here yet. And I feel lazy. I wish I lived closer to my family in Rockford so I could spend time with them.

I know I know...I deserve to just do nothing after being in school constantly for the past 6 or 7 years (all year round) but I can't help to think I can contribute more than what I'm doing. I've looked for random jobs that would hire me (to keep myself busy) so I could help with bills etc but haven't had any luck. I don't want to just go out and spend our money that we're trying so hard to hold onto just because I'm bored.

So far...I've maintained a clean home. Good food. Healthy body.

Yet I still feel like that isn't enough. I guess this is a good time for me to pull the books out & start studying for my big & bad board exams in August.

I'm just in that mode. the BLAH mode. This is normal right? right....


On a good note, I smiled and laughed to myself today as she kept wiggling around. Her little movements all day have reminded me of the joy I get to hold in...months!

tiny baby updates

*Ryan felt baby girl kick for the first time today! 

*It's amazing to feel her wiggle around :) 

*We finally completed our registries today. Yay. We probably left a lot out...who knows! 

*Learning to let go and let God...taking each day one at a time! 

No matter what, we are very blessed. Focusing on what we have rather what we don't is key!

<3

happy holidays

happy cinco de mayo. happy kentucky derby day. my cousin vanessa had a genius idea "someone should wear a sombrero to watch the kentucky derby". two birds. one stone. baaaam. (btw that idiom is mean) 

honest blessings

Officially 21 weeks! :) 

Here is a pregnancy update:

"By the end of this week, your little one will measure 10 ½ inches long and weigh about ¾ pound. His skin has changed from being translucent to opaque as the skin cells grow and stretch in preparation for the fat deposits, which will soon form under baby’s skin. If your baby is a girl, her womb and vagina are formed. She will have 6 million eggs in her ovaries decreasing down to one million, before she is even out of her own mother’s womb.

Your baby’s tongue is now fully formed and he is strengthening his muscles with movement. His bones are hardening nicely and his movements are much more coordinated now. He may be doing some gymnastics inside you at this very minute. Back flips and somersaults are entirely possible, and they are great practice for his leg and arm muscles.

Swallowing is becoming a steady activity with baby. After he takes in amniotic fluid, his body absorbs the water in the liquid, with the waste moving on into his large bowel. The digestive system is already at work!

As your baby grows, his wake and sleep cycles begin to form. Your activity level and eating patterns are normally what rules his, as he can now hear all that goes on around him. And when you eat and drink, he eats and drinks. It is now that you start to find out if you have a night owl or an early bird."

The joys of waking up multiple times throughout the night to pee has given me poor sleep.

Yes yes, I know. Get use to it. I know! But I still get to complain...right? :)

When I wake up to pee, I realize how achy I feel mainly in my belly as my abdominal muscles are trying to adjust and my intestines are slowly being squished. I know it only gets worse but being a first time mom, I am uncomfortable when I wake up in the morning. Throughout the day, I feel great and really don't have any complaints! 

I am so blessed with Ryan. I say it over and over again...but I REALLY am.

This morning he realized how achy I felt and I couldn't get back to sleep, so before he got up for the day he massaged my belly with shea butter (which he does EVERY single night btw) then proceeded to massage my back as well. 

I felt SO SO SO much better and was able to fall back asleep for THREE more hours without any problems. 

He is going to be such an amazing dad. I can't wait until he can share in the joy of the karate kicks I just started feeling! As of yesterday, butterfly flutters are now martial art kicks! :) It's amazing.

one of those days...

it is.
the days you spend just wishing.
lots of wishful thinking.
lots of should have. could have. would have.

grr. go away go away.

i wish!

we bought a zoo. i love this movie.

Stretch Marks

In the past two weeks, my little baby girl has been doubling in size which also means mama is getting bigger too! With the increase belly size, my skin is feeling very uncomfortable and STRETCHED...and ITCHY! 

I started using Raw Organic Shea Butter by Shea Moisture which smells AMAZING (has Frankincense and Myrrh essential oils) and it feels amazing! I am hoping that it will help with the itching symptoms but also preventing stretch marks! 

What I love about the product is that it has what it says- shea butter and essential oils! There are no additives and weird preservatives! 

What products have you used? How did it work? 

I would love the input!